Monday, June 25, 2012
Stoopid’s Guide to Riding your Bike Long
Disclaimer: This stunt was performed by a professional idiot. Please do not try this at home – but if you do and succeed then give me full credit
Step 1: Sign up for a really long and difficult ride, preferably one that is debilitating even in thought. In my case, this was the Garrett County Gran Fondo Diabolical Double (200 km ride with 16,500 feet of climbing).
Step 2: Get sick for 10 days prior to ride and fall off the training wagon. Sit on your butt and feel sorry for yourself.
Step 3: Mentally check out from the ride until the very last moment when you decide you’re not coughing enough that missing the ride would be a shame. Even then, get head in the game only after ride has started.
Step 4: Get sick again less than half way into the ride with possible fever, raging headache, dizziness, and absolute loss of power on the bike. Beg and plead for motrin at a rest stop and offer to marry the lady who finds some for you.
Step 5: Ensure you have plane ticket to a far flung, preferably shady country for the day after ride so in case your body decides to enact revenge, you’ll be sure to end up in a motel clinic where no one speaks your language.
Step 6: Stubbornly ignore all above warning signs, whip out all the HTFU you got, keep on going and finish the ride. Enjoy mental high like nobody’s business and eat all kinds of junk food to make up the caloric deficit.