Disclaimer: This stunt was performed by a professional idiot. Please do
not try this at home – but if you do and
succeed then give me full credit
Step 1: Sign up for a really long and difficult ride, preferably one
that is debilitating even in thought. In my case, this was the Garrett County
Gran Fondo Diabolical Double (200 km ride with 16,500 feet of climbing).
Step 2: Get sick for 10 days prior to ride and fall off the training
wagon. Sit on your butt and feel sorry for yourself.
Step 3: Mentally check out from the ride until the very last moment
when you decide you’re not coughing enough that missing the ride would be a
shame. Even then, get head in the game only after ride has started.
Step 4: Get sick again less than half way into the ride with possible
fever, raging headache, dizziness, and absolute loss of power on the bike. Beg
and plead for motrin at a rest stop and offer to marry the lady who finds some
for you.
Step 5: Ensure you have plane ticket to a far flung, preferably shady
country for the day after ride so in case your body decides to enact revenge,
you’ll be sure to end up in a motel clinic where no one speaks your language.
Step 6: Stubbornly ignore all above warning signs, whip out all the
HTFU you got, keep on going and finish the ride. Enjoy mental high like nobody’s
business and eat all kinds of junk food to make up the caloric deficit.
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